Thats what our life is all about.
To all of you who thought you really were something. All of you that had goals, that you had the strenght to fight for and achieve. All of you that were not good at something, but great at learning anything. everything. Especially within studies. To all of you at Stockholm School of Economics.
Starting here, you thought you were something. Out of nine or ten applicants, you got chosen. You got a spot in the oh so famous but undeniable mostly living of its oh so old glory and reputation-school. You started here and thought you were something. You studied your ass off and tried to keep up with the high study pace. If you failed, the usual excuse from before was that you atleast had a social life and that you were out having a blast last night.
You walked through that big door and met another 299 "i am so damn good at nothing but everything"s. They were smart, fun, good looking and partied their asses off every single night. If you failed to keep up the partypace the old usual excuse was that you atleast have a future.
(Or maybe that you are good at something else. Singing. Acting. Maths. Golf. Not. In that case you would have been doing that at this very moment.)
You try to keep up with the studypace. You fail. Selfdisappointment. You put up your own goals but never reach them. Selfdisappointment. You try to get organised and put up goals that you might be able to reach. Nope. You planned to clean out your closet a month ago. eeeh. Selfdisappointment. You have been trying to walk by and pick up your dryclean for the last ten days. Havent happened (you walk by there every day on your way to school). You have to read at least ten out of those 35 pages for tomorrow. Never. Selfdisappointment. You try to get to the gym three times a week. Works for the first week, but then total disappointment. And the excuse can no longer be the usual to the smart geeks - "At least I have a social life" Or to the drunkpartyqueens -"I have a future, and its damn well paid".
The excuse you try to convince yourself its all because of your intense studies. But where are those grades? At SSE everyone is damn good att studying. Theyre invincible in the bar. Theyre the dancingqueens. Theyre professional sportsment. They play the piano and all the other instruments. They have part-time jobs with high curricular value. They volunteer for childen in Africa. They are super social. Super nice. Super fun. Superheroes.
Thats my goal. To become like them. I failed. I always fail.
Selfdisappointment. Always selfdisappointed.
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ReplyDeleteproblemet ligger i att man jämför sig med ALLA, och då går det alltid åt helvete. gäller att fundera på vad man själv tycker är kul, och köra sin egen grej utan att snegla på andra hela tiden. först då blir man harmonisk och inte så jävla besviken hela tiden :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like Karro fått en liten släng av Yalesyndromet. No worries, det går över. Och du har ett liv. Och en framtid =)!
ReplyDelete"When you're young you prove how brave you are, or smart; then what a good lover; then, a good father, finally, how wise, or powerful or what-the-hell-ever. But underlying it all, I see now, there was a presumption. That I was moving on an upward path toward some elevation, where -God knows what- I would be justified, or even condemned -a verdict anyway. I think now that my disaster really began when I looked up one day -and the bench was empty. No judge in sight. And all that remained was the endless argument with oneself -this pointless litigation of existence before an empty bench. Which, of course, is another way of saying -despair. And, of course, despair can be a way of life; but you have to believe in it, pick it up, take it to heart, and move again." -Arthur Miller, After the Fall.
ReplyDeleteLoved every bit of what you wrote =)